


And I'm Hell Bound

by WinchesterWarrenSon



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Autistic Will Graham, Christmas, Demon deal, Heavy Catholic Influence, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Original Characters Are Will Graham's Father and Demonic Entities, References to Sexual Assault, Zombie Will Graham, discussion of religion, references to murder, will graham is autistic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-02
Updated: 2014-05-02
Packaged: 2018-01-21 14:42:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1554026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinchesterWarrenSon/pseuds/WinchesterWarrenSon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After years of not talking to each other, Will Graham contacted Matthew Brown to help him find a way to cancel the demon deal that Hannibal made to save Will's life. They succeed, but at a heavy price. Having actually met demons and experienced demonic activity first hand leads to Matthew realizing the gravity of his actions for which there is no forgiveness. Desperate for comfort during the holidays, Matthew goes to Will, despite knowing he's not wanted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I'm Hell Bound

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read Locks of Hair, the author note in the beginning of that fic explains a lot of the background and what kind of AU this story fits into. This is when they're adults, having not seen each other since Matthew convinced Will to give him his underwear while at school, resulting in Hannibal beating Matthew up, them getting sent to the principal's office, and the school discovering Matthew's locker covered on the interior of pictures of Will. Matthew got expelled and placed in juvie for sexual assault. 
> 
> Will becomes a cop and Hannibal a surgeon after their college years and Will gets shot. Hannibal still has all his murder tendencies but has only killed one person before this and that was to protect Will from another stalker named Jeremy (OC). Will is going to die, but a demonic figure comes to Hannibal saying that there's a way to save Will and convinces Hannibal to sign the contract despite Hannibal not believing in demons or angels or God. However, the deal requires Hannibal kill someone ritualistically each year, and the demons find it funny because they know Hannibal wants to murder anyway. 16 years go by until Will catches Hannibal (Will having been assigned to the case) and vows to cancel Hannibal's contract because he doesn't want to be married to a serial killer. He gets Matthew to help and they succeed, though now Will loses an organ each year and is essentially a zombie now. I think that's all you need to know.

The last time Matthew had seen Will was a few months ago. Matthew didn't like thinking about what they had seen, what they had done.... No, he didn't actually mind what they had done. 

He hadn't been prepared for the aftermath. 

He could hear them whispering in his walls at night, now. They wrote things on his walls and mirrors and doors. They laughed at him when he woke from the nightmares they gave him. 

_This is just a taste of what we're going to do to you once you die. You never should've gotten involved, you stupid human. You could've been one of us you know. One of us. One of us._

_**One of us.** _

His apartment became dirty, rusty, putrid. His work at the hospital was becoming unbearable because they wouldn't leave him alone. Lack of sleep was affecting his work and his thoughts.... 

He suffered alone until they started hanging up the wreaths and the lights and the signs saying Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas and the plastic or wooden manger scenes. 

While he had converted while in juvie, he knew he was excommunicated because of what he had told long before Will Graham came back to his door step. And like a good Catholic (ha) he obeyed the rules that the excommunicated and those who didn't attend confession couldn't go to Mass and take the wafer into their bodies for purification.... 

How he wanted that purification now.

But no, he knew he wasn't sorry for what he had done. So he couldn't confess. He couldn't atone for his sins because he wasn't sorry. He wasn't going to change. 

He knew where he belonged, but now . . . . 

He knew he wasn't wanted. But on Christmas Eve, he dialed Will's number. 

When Will answered it, he could hear the chatter in the background and the laughter. He recognized the voices after all this time. Alana Bloom. Who wasn't eleven and skinny and undeveloped anymore, but that was the image he got when he thought of her. Her eleven-year-old self. With that long hair and red hair band and that petulant frown when she'd look at him because he was the freak who coveted Will's hair and manipulated Will out of his underwear in between classes. 

Jack Crawford. Skinny black boy with an even more judgmental expression when he'd approach them (not them but Will, he never cared about them, only Will). He had heard from Will that he was in the FBI now. 

There was a voice he didn't recognize - a woman's - but the other two were definitely Will's father, Ed, and Hannibal Lecter. He couldn't call upon an image for Ed, not anymore, just that he had been so tall and without a hand due to a boating accident before Matthew had met Will. And shocked that a twelve-year-old would have preyed on his eleven-year-old and only son. 

Hannibal, though.... He remembered Hannibal well. The Lithuanian boy with the dark eyes that reminded Matthew so much of his own darkness. He had known right away that they were peas of a pod, but Hannibal hated him. He couldn't say he was all that interested in Hannibal, either. But they both wanted Will. That much was obvious. While Matthew understood now why his behavior had been bad and inappropriate, Matthew didn't regret snaking his little hand down Will's body and touch him in places Hannibal hadn't dared. At the time. Now Hannibal had his Will in marriage and they loved each other so much they'd make deals with demons.... 

"Hello?" Will asked. 

Matthew swallowed. "Will?"

Will was quiet for a moment, but then Matthew heard the background fade away. Matthew looked up from his spot in his car in the driveway and saw Will stand out on the front porch. Will's eyes landed on Matthew's car. 

"What is it?" Will asked, and Matthew could see and hear a little bit of concern in him. 

"It's the Wendigo and the others. They won't leave me be."

". . . Are they with you now?"

"You'd be able to see them if they were, considering...."

There was silence between them for a moment. 

"I know I'm not wanted here, but . . . ." Matthew said. 

Will shut his cellphone, and for a moment, Matthew though he was just going to go back inside. But Will crossed the yard to the driveway and opened Matthew's door. Without a word, Matthew got out of the car and let Will close the car door for him. Matthew took out the clicker and clicked the button that would lock the car for him. The car made a beep. The beep would no doubt alert those indoors that someone had just arrived. 

Will and Matthew walked to the front door, and Will let them in. 

Hannibal stepped into the entry way as Will closed the door behind them. He stilled as he seemed to be trying to place who Matthew was. Matthew, however, had no problem recognizing that it was Hannibal. 

"Who's this?" Hannibal asked. 

Will walked over to Hannibal and whispered something in his ear. Hannibal's expression darkened, and Matthew knew that Hannibal remembered him and what he had done when they were children. 

He swallowed hard and looked to Will. 

"What is he doing here?"

"I just need to talk to him for a little while." 

Hannibal frowned. 

"I'm not leaving you alone with him."

"The others will wonder what's going on if we both aren't in the dining room."

"Then I suppose he's joining us for dinner," Hannibal said, turning his head to give Matthew a look. 

So much for just talking to Will and getting the load off of his chest. 

Will sighed heavily, then looked to Matthew. 

"You drink whiskey?"

"Yeah," Matthew said. 

Will and Hannibal more or less led Matthew into the dining room together, Hannibal taking his place at the table once more and Will crossing over to the alcohol cabinet. Matthew looked around at the room, and he realized that he most certainly wasn't going to recognize the woman whose voice he hadn't placed an identity to. Because she was black and the only black person he remembered at the middle school before juvie was Jack. He assumed she was Jack's date. Or wife or whatever. Alana had really filled out in the boob department, but she still had the calculating, confused look that he knew would go into the ever familiar disapproval and suspicion that she wore so well. And Jack had definitely put on some weight, though not in a bad way. Jack had gone from skinny kid he most certainly could beat up to FBI agent who looked like he could break him in half. 

And Ed no longer looked like just a big deal anymore. If anything he looked smaller and he knew one of the hands was fake. Probably something he could easily break with enough force. 

But Matthew didn't need to be thinking about that kind of thing. 

When Will came towards the table with more whiskey and a glass for Matthew, he furrowed his eyebrows. 

"Go ahead and sit down."

"Where?"

"There," Will said, pointing to a chair near what looked like Will's place, considering it had a plate in front of it but was an empty chair. 

"Considering our past together, is sitting there a good idea?"

"Would you rather sit near Hannibal or Jack?"

"Good point."

Matthew sat down beside Will's place and (thankfully) no one else on his other side. Will poured him a glass of whiskey, then sat down as well, placing the bottle within reach. Hannibal continued to eat and ignored Matthew entirely. 

"Will, who is - ?" Alana voiced, but then Matthew looked up at her in a familiar way, and her mouth fell open. " _Matthew Brown?_ " 

"The one and only. Unfortunately." He drank the whiskey, catching Will adjusting his chair slightly so he could be turned towards him. "Puberty did you good, I see."

Alana gave him a glare, but Matthew couldn't bring himself to care. 

"What are you doing here?" Jack asked, voice firm and Matthew had a sudden imagining of Jack playing the bad cop with a suspect. This wasn't going to be fun. 

"That's a good question," Hannibal asked, looking at Will but Will ignored it. 

"You were saying?" Will asked, looking at Matthew. 

Matthew knew better than to go into all the demonic details. 

"Things . . . triggered by what brought you back into my acquaintance," Matthew said, choosing to look at Will and gesture only to Will, but saying things that would tip the rest of them off that yes, they have been talking again and had moved past the "I molested and took advantage of you when we were eleven because I'm a psycho and you're autistic and gave me the benefit of the doubt too much because the neurotypical environment taught you to in order to have friends and be liked by others" thing. "Those things have been . . . bringing things I was already aware of into a different light and . . . ." And suddenly he had a hard time talking. Will waited patiently, though the feeling of people _staring_ at him because he was unwanted didn't necessarily help. 

Matthew took a deep breath and just pushed through it. 

"I am aware that I'm a horrible person and that I'm going to Hell and that that's where I belong because I feel no remorse for most of the bad things I've done. Meaning I haven't gone to confession for things I know are wrong, including mortal sins. And I was fully aware of what I was doing when I did them, aware that it would injure my relationship with God and . . . I just didn't give a shit." Matthew swallowed and Will continued to listen, and Matthew was hyper aware that everyone else had stopped eating and were listening as well. "It . . . wasn't something that bothered me or made me afraid...."

Will frowned a little as he continued. 

"And now it does."

Matthew nodded. 

"I . . . don't regret what I've done, but . . . I understand what Hell is going to be like better now and . . . ."

"And you're scared," Will extrapolated. 

Matthew drank more whiskey, doing a very subtle nod as he tilted his head back. Will knew he was right though. 

"Hell is going to rip me to pieces, sew me back together, and then do it all over again for the rest of eternity when I die," Matthew said, not looking at anyone else at the table, though not caring if they hear. "And once I'm dead, I'll never see you again."

Because Will was going to live as long as he had organs to give. That was the deal. He'd be an undead being until he ran out of internal organs. And then . . . then Will would be in Heaven where he belonged. Matthew was confident that Will would be one of those few to go straight to Heaven, without burning in Purgatory. Will was good and kind and perfect, and . . . even if Matthew wasn't a murderer, Will had always been his false idol. 

"What makes you say that?" Will asked. Matthew snorted. How could he not know? 

"You'll be in Heaven. Obviously."

Will shrugged. 

"No one knows for sure."

"I do."

Will smiled a little bit. "Well, you'll be able to keep Hannibal company for me."

"Excuse you," Hannibal said, sounding wonderfully offended. 

Matthew laughed. "I don't think you have room to be offended, I heard what you did." 

Will drank some whiskey and Hannibal frowned mightily. It was a fantastic wounded expression, and it confused everyone else at the table well. 

"In any case, you're alive right now and who knows, maybe you will regret what you did and go to confession and things will be different."

"That would require a personality change," Matthew admitted, sipping the whiskey. "There's really only one thing they ever got me to confess in confession."

"What's that?" Will asked. 

"Taking advantage of your kindness."

The lightness of the conversation vanished from Will, and he chose to down the rest of his own whiskey instead of replying. 

The night continued in an awkward fashion, with Matthew falling silent and the rest of them falling back into their conversation from before he got there, though the mood was certainly tempered. And there was the awkward fact that Matthew eventually consumed too much alcohol to be able to drive back to where he came from and no one was comfortable with Matthew spending the night. But Will was kind and set him up with one of the many guest rooms. 

The only catch was that Hannibal would lock the door so that Matthew would be trapped inside unless he jumped out of the window. 

Matthew was fine with that. 

Until the Wendigo started to whisper in his ear in the middle of the night.


End file.
